WAIT (Why Am I Talking)
I first came across the WAIT acronym in a Facebook discussion my daughter “liked” from a blog about parenting. My daughter (and husband) have two daughters, ages 7 and 5, so commiserating with parents with similar demographics can be useful when there is no instruction guide (other than grandparents, hah). WAIT stands for “Why Am I Talking,” and it was an interesting take on how to interact with young children when (like many/most managers) we want to “be in charge,” “be the expert,” and “have the last word.” And, in the process of doing all those things, of course we are not listening, let alone trying to understand.
I was reminded of WAIT recently when reading a LinkedIn posting by Ted Bauer that pointed me to this (http://goo.gl/Wks5x5) by Art Petty, who suggests a 10:1 ratio of listening to talking in order to be a more effective manager. A 10:1 ratio is pretty radical! I have more typically seen an 80/20 ratio in the context of good coaching. But why not aim high!
I’ll tell you why: because it is so antithetical to the mental model most of us have when we think of “coach” or even “parent.” But let’s stop (i.e., stop talking) for a few minutes and think about all the possible benefits of WAIT. A few of these relate to Marshall Goldsmith’s list of negative behaviors in his great book, What Got You Here Won’t Get You There.
- We never learn anything when we are talking (LBJ and others…)
- It diminishes the felt value of others when they are not heard
- It also diminishes the real, actual value of others when their knowledge is not used. As a GM retiree is famously reported to have said, “For 30 years they paid me for my body. They could have had my mind for free.”
- Our initial need to talk often causes us to state an opinion or make a decision we regret based on insufficient information or analysis. In Jerome Groopman’s book “How Doctor’s Think,” he reports that, on average, a physician will interrupt a patient describing her symptoms within eighteen seconds. His study of malpractice leads him to conclude, “Sometimes the key to success is uncertainty,” that is, don’t decide too quickly.
- We may be angry or upset. We all know from experience that these are not good times to be talking without “counting to 10.”
- It feeds our need to be “right”, and in our mind we are right and always will be if others don’t tell us we are wrong. We hate being wrong because we have been brought up to be “right” (e.g., get straight A’s). See this great TED talk: https://goo.gl/E6oPKH
- It feeds our need to have the last word, regardless of how little value it adds.
- We actually may not know what we are talking about.
Oh, yeah; and then listen.
WAIT! (your turn)